Story Time
by Signed-Edward Elric
Summary: Because Al has to tell his niece and nephew a story, and this is it: Young Edward and Alphonse have unique talents, which they use to their advantage. But of course, it's always a mistake to count Winry out, as she just might have a talent too…
1. Crocodile Tears

Right, so I decided to take a break from Chem. homework today, and write something that had been in the back of my mind. Although Ed and Winry have kids in this fic, I'm not sure if either one will be the same as the kid they're having in Pregnancy Log. Although I am quite partial to TJ.

Coen (Ko-in) is the name my sister made up, FYI. Shout out to her. Oh, I guess I need a disclaimer, huh?

**I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist. But I do own Fullmetal Alchemist Duel Sympathy. It's fun, except Mustang basically sucks, and no matter how hard I try, I can't win hard mode with him. *Addendum: I have now successfully beaten hard mode with Mustang. My life is complete…**

Yes, ok. Read and review. Or…I won't update Pregnancy Log! No, just kidding, I will always update. Unless I don't update for a year, then you can assume that I died or something.

But for real, I would love love love reviews for this. No flames, reviews. I live off of them.

* * *

Edward trudged down the stairs, a little boy upside down in his arms and a girl in his wake. He walked into the living room and unceremoniously deposited the boy onto the couch. The boy laughed and stuck his tongue out at the man.

Ed turned around while pointing to the sofa. "On the couch, TJ."

"Her name isn't TJ, it's Trisha! Trish, Trish, Trish!" the little bock mocked. "TJ is a boy name!"

"No it's not! And at least my name isn't stupid like yours. What the heck is a 'Coen'?" TJ asked indignantly.

"Hey, your mother and I named him that…" Edward said quietly. Neither child heard.

"Oh, yeah? Well, you can't be 'TJ', 'cause J stands for junior, and you aren't a junior anything. Trisha was Grandma's name. So you're just dumb for telling people to call you TJ," Coen retorted.

"I can tell people to call me whatever I want!" TJ shouted as she plopped down onto the couch next to her younger brother.

Edward sighed, and left the room for two minutes, only to come back pulling a sleepy-looking, pajama-clad Alphonse into the room by the arm.

"Whassamatter?" Al questioned, not fully awake yet.

"Entertain them," Edward stated simply. "They're bothering me."

"I don't see how that's my problem," Alphonse yawned. He sat down in a chair and started to nod off.

"Hey, Al!" Ed whined. "Please!"

"What am I supposed to do?"

TJ decided to make herself known again. "Tell us a story."

"Yeah," Coen agreed, "tell us a story, Uncle Kitty!"

"Yeah, you can tell them a-wait. Uncle Who-the-hel-"

"Brother! Language!"

"Sorry! I meant, Uncle Who?"

"Uncle Kitty!" Coen replied, "Since he loves cats."

"O-ok. Yeah, sure, I'll tell you a kitty- I mean story!" Alphonse quickly corrected himself, ignoring Edward's snickers.

"I'll tell you about how I used a special talent of mine…"

* * *

Alphonse stormed down the hallway, books in arm, wearing an uncharacteristic frown. It wasn't fair. Edward was the one who'd made a mess of the bedroom. _Alphonse's_ side of the bedroom. And Edward always said that he would clean up his mess later. But he'd never come back to clean it. All of a sudden, he'd want to take a nap, or go out and play, and the clutter would remain. And when his mother came down the hall and saw the mess, who would have to clean it up?

Alphonse.

Al was in the midst of returning books to their father's study, despite having told his mother that it was Ed's fault.

"_Isn't that your side of the room, Alphonse?"_

"_Yes, but…"_

"_Well then, I think you need to stop trying to blame things on your older brother and take responsibility."_

"_But Mom!"_

"_Al…"_

"…_Ok."_

It wasn't fair! Brother was outside playing, and it was the warmest day of the month. But of course, Al was stuck inside, scrubbing alchemic residue and chalk off of the floor. Older brothers weren't supposed to take advantage of younger brothers. Older brothers were supposed to clean up the younger brother's messes, and play with them, and teach them cool things like how to skip rocks, and climb trees (and alchemy).

But lately, since he'd turned eight, his brother hadn't wanted to spend time with him, and he didn't know why. And, he was even starting to write his alchemy notes in codes, like their dad's notes, which Al couldn't read. Despite how mad he was at his brother, he didn't like being ignored, and he was determined to find out what was wrong.

Edward came back home just as Alphonse finished scrubbing a particularly nasty stain off of the floor.

"Hey, Al," Edward said in passing, not even looking at his younger brother.

"Brother! What did you do today?" Al asked enthusiastically, hoping that Ed would include him again. Unfortunately, Edward wasn't planning on it.

"Nothing important for you to know about."

What was that supposed to mean? Nothing important _for you_ to know about. There was emphasis there. So, Ed was doing something important, but he didn't want Alphonse to know?

"Why won't you tell me, Brother? You never tell me anything anymore," Alphonse pouted.

"That's a lie. I do too tell you things," Ed protested, fiddling with the handle to the sock drawer.

"No, you don't. Not anymore. And you don't do anything with me, and you ignore me, and act mean too. How come you won't tell me what you did today?"

"Because, Al, you wouldn't understand."

Alphonse didn't want his brother to make fun of him, but he felt like crying. Didn't brother like him anymore? He felt the tears at the corners of his eyes, and, try as he might, he couldn't prevent them from falling. Edward heard sniffling, and turned to face Al.

"Geez, don't cry! I was just with James out by Mrs. Pierson's. We were playing in her backyard. And her dumb cat came out and bothered us, so we tied bags around its feet. It was funny, she looked so stupid. Then, we rang her doorbell and ran away."

"Brother…that's mean. And Mom says we're not allowed to play in Mrs. Pierson's yard. She doesn't like kids coming to her house." Al was worried. Why would his brother do something so bad? Sure, sometimes he did things that were against the rules, but never anything that was mean. How could he hurt a poor, defenseless kitty?

"Yeah, well, Mom doesn't know I was there, so everything is ok," Ed stated matter of factly, pulling out a fresh pair of socks from the sock drawer and slipping them on his feet.

"But…you shouldn't lie to Mom. You should probably tell her…" Alphonse stood up and headed towards the door. A pillow came in contact with the back of his head, and he turned to face a very angry Edward.

"I knew it!" Ed shouted. "I knew you would tattle if I told you. That's why I didn't want to tell you! You don't understand because you're still a stupid baby! I bet you've never told a lie in your life!"

Baby? He was not a baby. He was six years old! And he was not a tattle either. Or a liar.

"I'm not telling Mom. Wait…I won't tell Mom about where you were if you'll tell her that you're the one who keeps on making messes on my side of the room." He watched as his brother contemplated the bargain.

"No," Edward decided. "I'm not telling Mom anything, because I told you I'd clean it up. But you always clean it up before I get home, so it's your fault I never clean up, really. And you are not telling Mom what I was doing today, or else."

Well, that really wasn't fair. Mom made him clean because Brother took so long getting back! But he knew that if he told, Brother would probably hit him. Or ignore him more. Or both. But Edward made him so mad. He wasn't a baby, and he had too told a lie before.

And he was about to tell another one.

"Are you sure you won't tell Mom?" Alphonse asked, nonchalantly. He walked towards the bookshelf, picked up several heavy tomes, and flung them haphazardly across his half of the room.

Edward watched his younger brother's actions with narrow eyes. "Yes, I'm sure."

"Are you really sure?" Alphonse opened up a pack of crayons, pulled out the black, and drew several transmutation circles on the floor at the foot of his bed. Then, he took some of Edward's alchemic notes from the desk on the opposite end of the room, and scattered them around the circles.

"Yeah…" Ed replied, wondering what had possessed his brother to do such strange things. "What're you…"

"So, you really aren't gonna tell Mom? Anything?" Al dropped his pillow on the floor and wrinkled the covers of his bed so it looked like it had been jumped on.

"No!"

"Alright." Alphonse sighed. He walked over to the wall next to the door, and turned to face Ed. "Can you do me a favor, then?"

"Hmph. Whatever," Edward groused. He walked over to the wall, closer to Al.

"Ok, I need you to touch the wall with both hands, but make sure your arms stay straight."

Edward complied.

"Great, now I need you to take five steps back. No, no, keep your arms straight!"

"This is the weirdest favor…" Ed mumbled to himself.

"Ok, great." Alphonse situated himself in between his brother's hands and the wall. Now it was time to have some fun.

Al had discovered that he had the useful talent of being able to cry on cue when he was four-and-three-quarters, but he'd never told anyone, not even Ed. So, what he was about to do would be a surprise. Without warning, Al thrust his back into the wall, so that a loud 'thud' could be heard down the hall. Then, the tears fell, and loud sobs followed. He could hear Mom rushing down the hall. Edward was standing in a stupor, not having fully comprehended what had happened, hands still straight in the air.

Trisha came into the room to see her younger son against the wall, seemingly in pain. Ignoring Edward and the mess surrounding her, she rushed to Al's side.

"What happened, sweetheart?" she asked, voice full of concern.

Alphonse sniffled. "W-well, Br-Brother made a m-mess, after I already cleaned up the first one, an' I asked him to clean it, but he said no, s-so I said I would t-tell, an' he, he pushed me down."

Trisha turned and frowned at Edward. "Why would you hurt your little brother?"

"I didn't! He's a liar! He made that mess, I saw him! And he made himself cry on purpose!" Edward protested, sending glares at Alphonse.

"Edward, I'm surprised that you would make up stories about your brother just so you wouldn't get into trouble. What, did he push himself down?"

"YES!" Ed nearly yelled. But Al knew that Edward wouldn't be able to convince Mom that he was innocent, so he smiled inside.

"Edward! Don't take that tone with me. You need to apologize to Alphonse. Now."

"No! I didn't do anyth-I mean, I'm sorry, Al!" Edward quickly fixed his sentence after receiving a warning look from his mother.

Trisha turned to face Al again. "Are you feeling better?"

"I guess," he replied quietly. The tears had stopped flowing; he wiped his eyes with the back of his hand.

"Alright," his mother continued, "if you want to, you can go out and play, while Edward," she turned to look at her eldest son, "cleans up this room."

"MOM!"

"He'll have cleaning duty for the whole room for the rest of the week." Trisha stated.

"MOM!"

"Month."

"…Fine!" Ed threw his arms into the air in frustration, and with that, Trisha took leave of their room.

Alphonse's face broke into a grin. Edward scowled.

"You lied. You did all of that on purpose, to get me in trouble."

"But Brother, I'm just a 'stupid baby'. And babies don't lie. Remember, I've never lied in my life," Al replied cheekily.

"Hmph. Well, if you aren't a baby anymore, I won't feel so bad when I get revenge on you," Edward growled, already starting to pick the books up off of the floor. "I hope I don't make you cry again, you faker."

"Oh, don't worry, you won't," Alphonse headed out the door. "I'm going to go play." Edward grumbled incoherently.

"I'll be sure to tell James you said 'Hi'," Al chuckled as he walked off, leaving his angry brother behind.

* * *

"Hey, wait, that's not how it ended!" Edward exclaimed. "You didn't tell them that I-"

"Calm down, Brother. I'm telling them more tomorrow. I wanted there to be suspense," Alphonse said, eyes sparkling with laughter.

"Yeah, right. You just want them to think you won," Edward grumped, more to himself than to his brother or his children.

"Can you really make yourself cry?" asked Coen, looking simply awe-struck.

"Yep."

"Prove it," demanded TJ, challenging her uncle with her eyes.

"Sure," Alphonse responded, and at once, tears were streaming down his cheeks.

"Wow," was the mutual response from TJ and Coen. Edward looked pointedly away.

"Awww, Brother! Don't be so sore. You didn't get in that much trouble."

"Yeah, whatever." Edward headed towards the staircase, and trekked upstairs to his room, but not before getting the last word in.

"Just wait until tomorrow, Uncle Kitty."

* * *

Well, shoot. The beginning and end came out too differently from the middle. (Did that sentence make sense?) Alright, tell me what you thought of that. Good, bad, ok? I plan on having two more chapters. Even if only one person reads this. Although I hope more than one person will. Because I will be sad otherwise.

AND TELL ME OF _**ANY**_ TYPOS!


	2. Two Wrongs Don't Make a Right

Finally decided to upload this. Inspiration came to me, and so I decided to do this instead of Spring Break homework. It seems like I'm always on this website if I'm not doing homework, which is like, always...

Anyway, if Alphonse will start speaking to me again, I can update Pregnancy Log. Lately, only Ed has been speaking to me, but he doesn't get a chapter until Al speaks to me!

...Yeah, so, like, please ignore what I just wrote, and read the chapter, ok? And review.

* * *

"DADDY!"

"Shut up!"

"DAAAAADDDDD!"

Edward heard the thundering footsteps of his children as they raced up the stairs, and he groaned. He pulled the covers back over his head with a sigh, and tried to get back to sleep. Why didn't they bother Winry? She was actually awake, and he was tired, and now he hated children. But Winry, oh Winry, _she _just had to have kids. And for what? So they could wake him up at…eight o'clock in the morning, that was indecent. The footsteps got louder, as did the shouting, and he realized with horror that he hadn't locked the door. Apparently, so had his children, and moments later, they were both on his bed, having some sort of strange wrestling match, which Edward was unfortunately in the middle of.

"Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, HEY!" Edward shouted, trying to separate his screaming and thrashing children from one another. "What happened?"

Coen was the first to start speaking. "TJ got in a fight! She was fighting with Matthew down by the lake!"

TJ's fists were balled at her sides. "So? He had it comin'. He said I couldn't play there 'cause I'm a 'sissy girl'!"

"Yeah, but TJ," Ed sighed, running his left hand through his hair, "Mom and I have told you not to fight…hey, did you win?"

"Dad, _of course_ I won. I sent him home cryin'!" TJ flashed a smile reminiscent of her father's, hands set firmly on her hips.

"Yeah, well, Mom won't be happy if she hears about this…" Edward deliberated, stifling a yawn. "So… I guess we don't tell her."

Coen looked exceptionally disappointed; he had wanted to see his sister's demise. With a pout he headed to the door, saying, "I'm gonna go find Uncle Kitty, so I can hear the rest of the story."

"Oh, yeah, I forgot about that…HEY AL!" Edward yelled, and Alphonse came running into the room. "Hey, you're pretty fast Al. That was like, five seconds. Keep up the good work!"

"Ha…ha…Brother. What…did you need?" Alphonse panted.

"I believe we have an unresolved story to finish."

"Oh, right, right. Ok, Brother, I'll finish. So, after I got Brother grounded…"

* * *

Edward was mad. Very mad. It had been a week since his punishment had started, and his mother _still_ didn't believe him. And Alphonse was milking it for all it was worth, making his job ten times harder than it should've been: dropping papers all around, leaving things all over the floor, walking around the room with his dirty shoes on, and then having the nerve to instruct him on how to clean. Really, who did Al think he was?

The six year old in question was currently sitting on _Ed's _bed eating a chocolate ice cream cone. Ed's favorite flavor.

"You missed a spot, Brother!" The boy pointed to a spot near the foot of Ed's bed where a puddle of chocolate was spreading.

"AL! You're doing that on purpose!"

"No, I think it was an accident." Al then proceeded to drop his ice cream cone onto the floor while flashing a toothy grin. "But that was on purpose!"

"I hate you," Edward snarled at his little brother. He was a bit surprised at himself; normally, he never would've said anything so hateful to anyone, especially his brother. But Al just made him so mad! Alphonse looked down at his hands with a frown on his face. Maybe he shouldn't have lied to Mom. But he just wanted his brother to learn his lesson and do his fair share! That wasn't too much to ask, was it?

Edward continued around the room, picking up items and thinking more and more about what kind of revenge he could get on Al. He wanted it to be something that would make him feel really bad, something that would make him feel guilty for lying to Mom. Al was such a "good little boy", and it must've been eating him up inside that he'd done something bad on purpose. The only problem was what to do. He needed something that would get Al back, while making himself look good at the same time. He wanted his punishment to end, but he couldn't think of any reason why Mom would reconsider…unless he _couldn't_ clean. But why wouldn't he be able to? Unless he got Al to do his work, the only other way he got out of doing work was…if he was sick! Of course! All he had to do was fake like he was sick, and Mom would baby him, and wouldn't let him work. Then, Al's little plan would be a failure, and of course, Ed would win.

"Hey Al," Ed whined, "I don't feel so good."

Alphonse was not buying it. His brother had been fine a second ago. And really, his whining wasn't the most convincing. "Brother, you're a faker."

"No, really," Edward replied, this time, not bothering to sound genuine, "I think I'm coming down with something. I don't think I can finish cleaning anymore."

"I don't believe you. You're just lazy. You never want to do your work."

"Oh, Alphonse," Edward moaned, putting a hand to his forehead and the other hand over his heart, the items in his hands dropping to the floor, "call Mom, I think I'm dying!"

"Oh, Edward," Al mimicked, "you are fine. Stop pretending and-" But he didn't get to finish that sentence, because Ed chose that moment to drop into a dead faint.

"Yeah, right. I know you're faking. Just knock it off, Brother." But Edward didn't get up.

"Hey! Brother, this isn't funny!" Alphonse exclaimed. Edward's faint was really impressive. But he couldn't be sick! Alphonse was sure, but…people didn't just pass out like that. And even though he knew that his brother was a liar sometimes, people could get sick really easily. He remembered hearing some women in town one day talking about someone who had gotten sick one morning and was dead the next day. What if Edward had something like that? Even if he was angry with him, he didn't want his older brother to die!

Al was really panicking now. Edward was still on the floor, unmoving, and as he stared, his brother's breathing seemed to slow down. He really was gonna die! Alphonse began to wail, real tears falling down his face this time, as he backed into a corner of the room and scrunched into a ball on the floor, face in his hands. He heard rushing footsteps approaching, and then his mother was in the room, gasping in surprise when she saw Edward lying limp on the floor.

"Edward? Edward!" She rushed to his side and shook his shoulders lightly, but he didn't respond. "Edward, sweetheart, please wake up. Alphonse," their mother said, turning to face the boy still weeping in the corner, "what happened?"

Alphonse hiccupped and wiped his eyes with his hand. "Brother w-was complaining a-an' then he said that he di-didn't f-feel good, but I thought he was l-lyin', 'cause he l-lied about making a mess, but then he f-f-fainted, an' now he's gonna die!"

"Shhh, Alphonse. Your brother will be alright," Trisha said soothingly, while cradling her eldest child in her arms and stroking the top of his head. "See, I think he's starting to wake up."

Alphonse hesitantly left his spot in the corner and sat close to his mother, looking intently at his brother to ensure that he was ok. And sure enough, Edward's eyes slowly opened moments later, cloudy and hazy as though he'd just gotten out of bed in the morning. He was woken from his stupor by his mother, who asked, "Ed, dear, are you feeling alright? Don't worry, everything will be all right. I'll call a doctor right away."

"Wha?" he questioned, looking from his mother's worried face to the tear stained face of his younger brother, who promptly threw himself at the older boy upon eye contact. Ed could feel his shirt dampening as his brother sobbed into his shoulder.

"I thought you were gonna die!" Alphonse exclaimed, and Edward felt inexplicably bad. He had told Al that his revenge would make him cry, but he hadn't thought that Al would worry about him. He had just wanted to ruin Al's plan, but now everybody was worried. And he felt even worse knowing that even Al had fallen for his trick, when he's thought he was faking at first. But as long as he went through with this, he wouldn't have to clean, and Al would stop bothering him, which is exactly what he wanted. Right?

"I'm alright. I don't think it was anything serious. I probably just got dizzy. I don't need a doctor, Mom, it's fine."

His mother looked reluctant to just let it go, so Ed got up and dusted himself off to make his point, staring at her expectantly. Trisha sighed before saying, "You at least need to rest. Bed. Now."

"Ok, Mom."

Edward hopped into bed and allowed his mother to baby him and tuck him in, just this once. Al came and sat next to his bed, still wiping away tears. His mother left and came back a minute later with a cold cloth for his head. She kissed his nose lightly, causing him to blush with embarrassment, before leaving, closing the door lightly behind her.

'_Maybe I'll call the doctor just in case'_, she thought as she walked back down the hall.

Edward felt awkward with Alphonse sitting so close, wiping tears off of his face. He kept trying to tell himself that he wasn't guilty, that this was payback, and that he shouldn't feel bad for making Al cry when Al had gotten him in trouble in the first place. This was just like alchemy, equivalent exchange. Al played a trick, he played one back, that was fair.

"I'm so glad you're ok." Al's declaration broke Ed out of his musings, and made him feel worse than he'd felt before. But he wasn't going to let Al know he felt bad. He put on his best "smug older brother" face and said, "Don't worry about it, Al. I'm not really sick."

"Yeah, you got dizzy, or something. That's what you said," Alphonse replied innocently.

"Alphonse, I didn't get dizzy at all." Al still looked like he didn't understand, so Edward added, "Mom seemed really worried, though. I bet I won't have to finish my punishment now. What a shame…"

"Wait, you just…you just wanted to get out of punishment? Edward how could you-"

Edward sat up in bed, fists tightly clinched. "How could I what, Al? Lie to Mom to get something I wanted?"

"But I only did that so you would get in trouble for something you did! You're just being mean! You're always mean to me now..." Tears were once again welling up in Alphonse's eyes, and his little hands were balled up in the covers of the bed.

"I just want my brother back," Al said, so quietly that Ed almost didn't hear, and Edward felt worse than he'd ever felt in his life. He couldn't deny Al's words; he had been a mean older brother lately. He'd just been plain mean lately; even Winry had told him so. She wouldn't even talk to him when she found out what he'd been doing with James. Winry said that James was a bad influence, but he was older, and so he had to know what was cool. And Al…Al was too little to be friends with someone like James, and Edward hadn't wanted to be embarrassed. But, he had hurt Al's feelings, and Mom always told him that family was the most important thing in the world…

"Aw man," Ed sighed, "I guess I have been kinda a jerk lately, huh?"

Al sniffled again, looking at Edward with a hint of anger on his young face. "Kinda? You've been a really big jerk, stupid!"

"Yeah, well," Ed said sheepishly, finding it hard to apologize, "eh, look. You did some things, I did some things, but now were even, right? Equivalent exchange…?"

"That was an awful apology, Brother," Alphonse said, smiling a tiny smile despite his tears. "You at least hafta promise you'll be nicer now."

"Cross my heart and hope to die, Al," Ed swore, right hand in the air as he crossed his heart with his left.

"Fine then. We're even."

"And this is a secret, promise."

"Cross my heart and hope to die," Al replied, doing an imitation of his brother.

"Great!" Ed exclaimed, clapping his hands together. "Now that that's settled, can you go get me some nice warm soup? I am sick, after all."

He received a pillow in his face as a reply.

* * *

"…What a horrible older brother. Shame on you, Dad."

"Hey, hold on a sec-"

"Yeah. Now I know where TJ gets it from."

"Where I get _what_ from!"

"Your meanieness!"

"I'm not mean! I'm the nicest person you know! I dare you to say that I'm not!"

"Wait, hold on, that wasn't the end of the-AL! Make them stop fighting!"

'What do you want me to do? They're your kids!"

"You're the uncle! They're obligated to like you more than me! So get it together, Uncle Kitty!"

"But I-"

Al's sentence was cut off by a shrill scream, as Coen sprung off of the bed and ran out of the room and down the hall, closely followed by TJ.

"Mommy, help me! TJ said she's gonna glue my lips shut while I'm sleeping!"

"Mom, he's a liar, I never said that!"

Edward and Alphonse sat in silence for a moment, looking back and forth between each other and the door, until Al broke the silence by saying, "…that was kind of violent, don't you think?"

"I guess so."

"Well, shouldn't you do something about that?"

"Why, Al?"

"…Aren't they your kids?"

"Uh, yeah. I'm pretty sure. I mean, hopefully Winry hasn't been lying to me all these years, you know?"

"…You know what, never mind."

* * *

Yes. Review.


	3. Mother Knows Best

Well, looks like I finally finished this. Took long enough. I knew exactly what was gonna happen, and yet it just wouldn't go on paper. *sigh* Sorry, to anyone who was waiting forever to read this, although by now the odds of that are slim. Still, sorry, so sorry, and I guess...geez. I need to apologize for anyone who reads Pregnancy Log too, because I've been doing such a crummy job. Of course, I never give up on stories I start, but I've had a major delay...I'll do better, ok?

Go ahead, read if you will.

* * *

Peace and quiet. That was what today was going to be about. The kids were off in town with Al and Winry, who had been doing a surprisingly good job at not being around when the kids wanted entertainment lately, so he felt he deserved this rest day. He had gotten out of the shopping excursion by claiming that housework needed to be done, and his family had left him at the house with little to no suspicion. Well, Winry was always a little suspicious, but Edward figured that was just a 'woman thing'. At any rate, he was now currently doing that housework, which entailed staring at light fixtures intensely with the hope that he could somehow bypass the law of having to get off of the couch and manually install a new light bulb by alchemically breaking down the light bulb with his mind. Alchemic telepathy, he called it, better known by its common name, lazy procrastination. Stretching his arms behind his head, he decided to take a break from his arduous task and proceeded to recline on the couch. He could change the light bulbs later. His family probably wouldn't be back for a while, so he could afford to slack.

The lack of distractions and noise eased his mind, and he fell into a lazy doze that he assumed would last for the better part of the day. Of course, there is no rest for the weary, and about forty minutes into his "break", the front door slammed open with enough force that it reverberated throughout the living room. Edward shot up from the couch with a start, just in time to hear the shrill voice of his wife as she stormed into the house.

"EDWARD ELRIC! WHERE ARE YOU?"

Putting on his best brave face and preparing for the inevitable pain an angry Winry promised, he meekly called out, "Uh…in the living room. Back so soon, Winr-"

"DON'T YOU 'BACK SO SOON WINRY?' ME!" She was irate, shopping bag clenched in one hand, and a wrench sitting menacingly in the other. His children looked scared for their lives, and were failing at hiding behind Alphonse, who looked every bit as frightened as his niece and nephew.

"I'm…sorry?" Edward ventured, figuring that it would be better to be sorry now and find out what he did wrong later.

"Oh, you'd better be!" Winry exclaimed, fists clenching tighter around the items in her hand. "I happened to find out about a fight that occurred at the lake yesterday. Do you happen to know who was involved, Ed?"

TJ had the decency to look abashed, and gazed apologetically at her father.

"Of course you know, you knew yesterday morning, and yet you said nothing to me! In fact, you told your children to _lie_ to me and not tell me anything! What is wrong with you, Edward?"

Edward scratched the back of his head and pointedly looked away. "Geez Winry, it's not really a big deal. I mean, she won, didn't she, so-"

"I can't believe you! We have a rule about fighting for a reason! She could've gotten hurt, or hurt someone else badly!"

"More likely the second option…" Ed muttered under his breath, regretting it immediately as he received a steely glare from Winry.

"Alphonse, would you kindly set your brother straight on this issue? If I have to talk to him any longer I might kill him."

A look of horror crossed Al's face and he backpedaled, nearly stumbling over TJ and Coen, who were still cowering behind him. "Why do I have to get involved in this? Please, I'm just an innocent bystander!"

Winry huffed and crossed her arms. "Well, I guess I should've known I wouldn't get any support from either of you. You both still act like little kids, trying to lie to your mother. Here's a lesson for you: mothers always find out."

Alphonse made a pained face, and Edward scowled, grumbling, "Well she _wouldn'tve_ if you knew how to keep a freaking secret…"

"Wha?" The three adults in the room turned to TJ and Coen, who had traded in their fearful faces for looks of confusion. The room was quiet for a few moments; Alphonse was the one to break the silence, saying, "Remember the story I've been telling you for the past couple of days? Well, there's one part I left out…"

* * *

"So then I fell right over and hit the floor-"

"I thought he was faking-"

"-woke up and Al was crying his eyes out-"

"-looked like he was dying-"

"-and that's why I'm not grounded anymore!"

"-ok now, 'cause Ed apologized for being mean!"

Winry stopped walking and turned to face her two best friends. "Are you really gonna stop playing with James and doing bad stuff?"

Ed sighed. "I promise, alright Winry. Don't be so annoying."

Winry balled her hands into fists at her sides. "I'm not being annoying. I'm just making sure you aren't gonna be a jerk to me or Al anymore, jerk!"

Edward blew stray hairs out of his eyes, then said in a softer tone, "Sorry, Winry."

Alphonse smiled, and Winry calmed, glad that things would be going back to normal. "So how come you guys never told me you could do cool stuff like that?"

Ed and Al turned to look at her, and responded simultaneously, Al sounding sheepish, and Ed sounding indignant.

"I've actually never told anyone before…"

"Because it was none of your business anyway!"

"Brother!" Alphonse admonished, seeing the hurt and angry look on Winry's face, "You promised you'd be nice!"

Edward huffed and crossed his arms. "I'm not being mean! All I'm saying is, we all know Winry can't keep a secret."

"Yes I can too!" Winry yelled, face flushing red with anger.

"No you can't, either! You're always telling us stuff that Granny or your parents told you, and you say, 'Shhh, I promised not to tell'. And you told me about the surprise Al planned for me for my birthday!"

"Winry!" Alphonse exclaimed. He'd wondered why his brother hadn't acted surprised! Winry looked down at her toes, red with embarrassment. Looking up, she managed to make eye contact with Edward, who had a smug look on his face.

"Yeah, well I could keep a secret if I wanted to!"

"Yeah right!"

"I'll prove it!"

"How?" Ed asked sarcastically, Al watching their argument with a mix of anxiety and amusement.

"Tell me a secret right now, and I bet I can keep it for the rest of my life!"

"Like I'd tell a secret to you! Forget it!"

"Alllllllll!" Winry whined, turning to the younger brother. Al nervously looked between his brother and Winry, not wanting to have to side with either of them for fear of the other.

"Well…um…I dunno. What kind of secret, Winry?"

"Hmmm," Winry contemplated, hand to her chin in thought. "Maybe you can tell me that place that you always go to every Saturday afternoon."

The Elric brothers answered in unison, "No."

Winry looked astonished. She'd expected it from Edward, but from Alphonse? Was it really that big a deal? And Al really didn't trust her with secrets? It was only that one time, no need for him to be upset about it, really.

"Why not! I wanna know! You guys are so secretive, with your alchemy, and your secret place, and all the fun things you do that I can't!"

Edward snorted and asked, "Like what? We spend most of our time with you, you big baby."

"Like when you boys all get together and go do…whatever it is you do, and none of the girls get invited!" Winry was about ready to punch Ed in the face. He was such a jerk, a bigger jerk than even James!

"Whatever," Ed replied, dismissing Winry's claim with a wave of his hand. "Don't you girls do dumb girly stuff by yourselves too?"

"Well duh! But only because you stupid boys don't wanna play because you think it's 'dumb girly stuff'!"

"Hmph!" Edward turned around and Alphonse looked a Winry with an apologetic look on his face. "Sorry Winry, but our secret place is really important to us."

"You don't have to explain anything to her, Al. C'mon, let's go." At that, Ed started to run down the path, away from where Al and Winry stood. Al, not wanting to be left behind by his older brother, spared one last look at Winry before taking off after Ed. "Brother, wait up! I can't run that fast!"

"Where are you going?" Winry screamed after the brothers, anger written all over her face.

Ed turned around and cheekily replied, "Secret!" before rushing off again, little brother in tow.

Winry couldn't have been any angrier if she'd tried. She wanted to yell and scream and hit Edward over the head with something really hard. She could too keep a secret! Boys were stupid, but especially Edward. He never understood anything about how she felt, and just said whatever popped into his big dumb head. And Al was too willing to stand behind his brother. That made him stupid too. They'd been telling her about how they'd gotten revenge on each other earlier, and now all she wanted to do was get revenge on them for every time they'd been mean to her and excluded her. She wished they had told her a really big secret, so she could tell everybody and embarrass them. They deserved it. They went around, being mean and doing bad stuff and they didn't even get in trouble! If their mom knew what they had done…

Suddenly Winry had a very clear idea of how to get revenge on her friends.

When Edward and Alphonse returned home in the afternoon, their mother was waiting for them by the front door.

"Hello boys. Did you have fun this afternoon?"

"Yeah," the boys replied in unison, stopping in the entryway to take off their muddy shoes. Their mother leaned down and gently grabbed Al's face, tilting it upwards until his gaze met hers and she methodically inspected his face. Slightly confused, Alphonse asked, "Is something wrong, Mom?"

"No, I don't think so. I was just checking to make sure you hadn't been crying recently. Nobody has pushed you into a wall today have they?"

"Um…no," Al replied nervously, wondering what exactly was going on. Looking to Edward for answers proved to be useless, as he was wearing the same puzzled expression. Their mother then switched to examining Edward, pressing her hand to his forehead, and checking the pulse at his wrist.

"Mom?" Ed questioned, clearly not comprehending what was going on.

"Just making sure my boy is feeling alright. You aren't about to fall ill are you? Have a fainting spell?"

She stood back up to her full height and crossed her arms, seemingly towering above her sons, who realized that she somehow had found out about what they had done. She scowled at them, and they both immediately broke into a sweat. Edward scratched nervously at the back of his head, and Alphonse kept his gaze rooted to the floor.

"I cannot be_lieve _you two!" their mother started, anger permeating every word. "You purposefully deceived me! I believed you, you know. I thought you were hurt Alphonse! _God_, Edward, I thought you were seriously ill! Do you know how it feels, to see either of you hurting? Do you?"

Edward clenched his fists, unable to meet his mother's gaze, and he could hear Al beginning to whimper, and knew the tears would be coming soon.

"And what were you doing fooling around with that older boy, Edward? I thought I'd made it clear that I _did not_ want you behaving in that way?"

"Yes, ma'am," Ed responded meekly. Al whimpered again, louder this time.

"I'm disappointed in you boys. I trusted both of you, and you let me down. I don't know how you'll be able to earn that trust back."

At that, Alphonse burst into tears, covering his face with his arms and wailing loudly.

"I-I'm s-sorry, M-M-Mommy. Please d-don't be dissapp-pointed!"

Edward could feel tears stinging the back of his eyes, but refused to let them fall. He knew that what they had done was wrong, he just had a hard time accepting it. He didn't like making his mother upset. It made him feel like a failure as a son. Their mother handed Alphonse a tissue, then instructed Edward to take his younger brother upstairs to their room.

"And you can think about what you did," she finished, before storming into the kitchen. Edward led his hiccuping and crying little brother upstairs, and, per his mother's instruction, though about his actions.

But he also angrily thought about a certain blonde girl who had told their mother their secret.

* * *

"So in the end, Mommy won?" Coen asked, gazing up at his mother.

"That's right! They ended up telling me where their secret spot was the next day!"

"Where was it?" Coen questioned.

"Secret, can't tell, sorry!" Winry shot a smug look at Edward and Alphonse, who were both sitting on the couch by this point. They sent pained looks back.

"So what was the moral of this story?" TJ wondered. "Was it that Mom is a tattle tale, or that she can't keep a secret?"

"Wha?" All three of the adults looked stupefied at what the little girl had suggested.

"Well yeah," she continued, "Mom told your secret to Grandma, so she can't keep a secret _and_ she a tattler, 'cause she only did it to get you in trouble."

Dead silence followed her statement until Edward burst into uncontrollable laughter.

"I was right! You can't keep a secret, can you? Sore loser!"

While Edward was busy trying not to bust a lung laughing, Winry had turned slightly pink in embarrassment, trying to make eye contact with neither Ed nor Al, who was at least _attempting_ to pretend it wasn't funny, though he was failing thoroughly.

"Well…I...you just-augh! Whatever, I'm going upstairs!" Forgetting to even hit Edward with her wrench, Winry stomped up the stairs, and the bedroom door could be heard slamming.

"So…does this mean I'm not gonna get in trouble?" TJ asked no one in particular. She looked at her little brother, who simply shrugged his shoulders. "Guess not. Wanna go learn how to cry whenever you want?"

"Nah, crying is for babies. I wanna learn how to faint. That'd be awesome! I bet I could try it on Uncle Roy, he'd totally freak out!"

"Yeah, but he might get mad afterwards…"

"So? That's the best part."

Thus, the two youngsters went downstairs to practice, leaving their howling father and snickering uncle on the couch.

* * *

I's a-finished. Leave me a review, please. (^-^)


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